God recently spoke a word to me and said I’ve been going through a “beautification period”, similar to the way that Esther went through a season of preparation before she was selected as queen. He also said this period is soon coming to an end and that I will be stepping into the whirlwind of my destiny.
As I heard this, I was in immediate agreement regarding this season of life as it has been one of spiritual cleansing, renewal, and preparation. I knew God wasn’t referring to physical beautification. He’s truly been uprooting things that weren’t aligned with his timing and replacing them by things that were. My favorite part is how he lavished me with his love and made me feel so worth it. He ignited a previously dormant desire to be in passionate relationship with him.
Yet if I’m completely honest, I thought to myself, “Wait a second…I’m still a mess. Yes, you’ve done more in my spirit than I ever imagined you would, but I’m definitely NOT beautiful yet! I have so much left to fix. It’s still so ugly in here! So many things feel ugly! I’m not ready at all, not any time soon.”
Then, I remembered something he had shown me just a few days before, not realizing at the time how fitting it would be for this very moment…….
First, let me explain that I am a dancer. My feet are…well, not the most manicured. They look like they’ve been through some rough times, and to the non dancer, my feet would probably be considered ugly. I. on the other hand, love my feet.
Because every single bruise, cut, callus, and floor burn has been part of the magnificent process of perfecting my art. The uglier my feet, the more beautiful of a dancer I have become. Sometimes I look down at how worn out they are after hours of rehearsal and feel a rush of gratitude. What appears to be ugly represents an underlying beauty to me. This hidden beauty leads to an admiration for what God has led me to accomplish through hard work and commitment in my gifting. I also know that if my feet looked like a foot model’s foot, it means I would have neglected my passion and missed out on becoming the person I was meant to be.
I realized this is exactly what my Father sees in me now.
I feel ugly because I have faced my struggles. I feel ugly because I still grieve and I still feel pain. I don’t run away from the pain like my heart was trained to do for so long. Instead, I’m handing over my aching to Jesus and allowing him to finally work with me through this process.
Of course it feels ugly- surrender and change don’t typically feel pretty when you’re in the middle of it.
The process of uprooting the old and preparing the soil for the new is not a pretty one. There’s dirt everywhere, holes in the ground, and nothing is really sprouting. At least not that I can see yet. But what he sees lies far deeper and is absolutely beautiful.
Whatever “ugliness” I feel today is just proof that I’m allowing my heavenly Father to guide me toward my original design. It is a symbol of the beauty that will radiate tomorrow.
My friend, be encouraged in knowing that this is how our heavenly father sees us in our struggles. He’s not focusing on the imperfections so that he has a reason not to call you beautiful. His perfect, unconditional love takes all the ugly bits and turns them into gold.
Allow him to make you uncomfortable for a season and watch his goodness overflow into every ounce of your heart. Allow yourself to feel ugly in his presence.
After all, only your creator knows your true beauty.